Come again? Muscle what now? Workout huh?

Dear Buckeye,

I am writing you today about one of your many products. Specifically, I would like to discuss Workout, The Muscle Cleaner...

First question: What the fuck is it?

Based off the name of the product I would guess that I am supposed to wipe down my rock-hard abs with this product after a muscle-ripping crunch session. If this bottle were sitting next to the hairspray and aerosol deodorant in the ladies locker room, I would think, "huh, I had no idea my muscles needed any further cleaning besides my Oil of Olay bodywash with Jojoba extract and chia seeds for exfoliation. I wonder if this cleaner aids in muscle repair? What is the protein content?"

At this point, I would likely start to spray down my abs (rock hard, remember), my quads and gluts, and the rest of my rippling, strong, totally in existence muscles. But as I start to spray my arms and shoulders with Workout, I get a whiff of something strange- smells like cleaning products... what's in this anyway? Where are the ingredients- HOLY SHIT THIS IS BATHROOM CLEANER!

Which brings me to my next question, Buckeye: Why the fuck did you name a bathroom cleaner Workout, The Muscle Cleaner? Was Mouthwash, The Tooth Cleaner taken?

I suppose I understand what you were attempting to do here. You were trying to say that this cleaner HAS muscle. Like, it's fucking strong as shit and will make mildew its prison yard bitch.

I am not sure if you're aware of this, but brains and brawn don't always go hand-in-muscular-hand. Many muscle heads walk this Earth with only one thought in their skulls: What can I do to make my muscles more muscle-y? For those individuals, your product is going to be very confusing. In fact, speaking as someone with beauty, brains, and brawn, I can admit that even I was confused about what I was expected to do with this product. If it hadn't been discovered in the office bathroom instead of the locker room, I might have sprayed a little bit on my dirty muscles, hoping that your product would give my flesh that squeaky clean feeling I never knew I wanted.

Please take note of my complaint, Buckeye. In the future, please don't label your products as _____ cleaners unless they actually clean _____. Otherwise, it's ____ing confusing!!!

And if you feel like it, please send me some coupons for Workout: The Muscle Cleaner because obviously, it's the best.

Thank you for reading,

Val, Esq

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