|(Photo sent to me by hippie, I claim no ownership|
of those American Spirits...)
Well has Whole Foods got some snake oil for you!
But seriously, Whole
No, it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. Your CEO is kind of evil, isn't he? Something about health care? Yeah. How silly of me to attempt to have any respect for you, Whore Foods.
To be fair, while I don't buy into the whole organic thing, necessarily (everything I need to know about organic food I learned from an episode of Penn&Teller's Bullshit), at the very least, I couldn't fault you for selling food. People need food, and if they're willing to convince themselves that eating celery grown in cow shit is better than eating celery grown in man-made fertilizers then FINE. Be like that.
But when you start selling croutonic shit like Charged for Men under your own name? And on top of that, specifically label it Vegetarian because your shoppers lean that way? Holy shipwreck that is fucked up. Look, let me spell it out for you: Hippies love DREAMING.
Examples of hippy thoughts: Wouldn't it be great if... love were free, we could hitch hike to Maine this summer, this pill gave me the ability to pop one in my shorts again.
Hole Foods, you've taken advantage of the hippies's's's ability to dream. How dare you. That's all they have (besides a trust fund, most likely)!
Wouldn't it be great if there were an over the counter pill available at my local health store that boosted my sex drive, supported healthy sexual functions (AKA boners), and revitalized my performance?
YES it would be great. But in what reality would RX giants like Pfizer let Whole Poots scoop them on a sex pill? If this pill really did anything, a pharmaceutical company would already have lobbied a congress(wo)man to make it available by prescription only. That's what makes America so great.
AND THAT'S why this really boils my blood, Whole Foots. Because on top of selling fake-ass health food for too much money, you're now also selling fake medication.
Oh, what's that? There's homeopathic evidence to the contrary? It does work?! You all have boners right now?! Well holy shit, Whole Phoods... just don't tell anyone okay? Confirm again for me that you sell an over the counter dick pill that actually leaves men CHARGED, and then reconfirm that you're selling it in a supermarket. Yeah? Yeah? Go on...
I'm just saying: If I found a way to actually improve a man's performance in bed I wouldn't just quietly sell it in the market between the daily vitamins and baby aspirin. Just saying.