Dear Diary, Salty and Sour

I just noticed how sad my container of salt is. I mean, just look at how this company has decided to portray it's product.

First of all, they've decided to go with a picture of salt being spilled all over the table. Right off the bat, they've depicted salt failing at one of it's two jobs- staying in its shaker (its other job is to make things salty). What pops in to your head when you think of spilt salt? Having to throw some over your shoulder for fear of bad luck? Is this ad making you think something horrible might happen?! Or maybe you think about the annoying, lingering granules that stick to your forearm long after the initial spill has been cleaned up? Who doesn't hate when that happens?!

Maybe it makes you think about all the spilled, wasted salt in this world. How there are 1 billion starving people, and this company has the nerve to spill salt willy-nilly for glamour shots. AND, just to rub salt in the wound, they've also pointed out that their product is FREE FLOWING. 'Yeah, so go ahead and starve, Africa! Us salt spillers are doing just fine and we don't care about you!' That's basically what this salt is saying to you. I think I know what you're thinking... how dare they? (Am I right  that that was what you were thinking about? I have a knack for that.)

Final point on why this is the wimpiest packaging ever: This salt supplies iodide, a necessary nutrient.

Look dude, we don't care about why there's iodide in the salt. You had us at 'salt', we didn't need to know anything else. You just seem desperate. It's sad. I mean, it's not 1925. Iodized salt is not a new thing anymore. We all know that unless otherwise stated there's muthafracking iodide in our salt because it's good for us and our brians and stuffs. Case in point: Doritos doesn't put a label on the front reading 'this chip supplies cheese powder, a necessary nutrient in getting fat'. It's Doritos. It's implied.

In conclusion, I'd like to say to whoever designed this packaging, you should really take a look at yourself. In what ways are you not living up to you own ideal? I think that something in your own life is holding your work back. Why is this salt failing, even when it is being glamourized? Why is it so cheap, so willing to flow freely? Why is it pushing so hard for us to need it? Do you hate your mother?



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