Dear Diary, I am Hoff-Val

I had a realization in the ladies room today (don't worry, I washed my hands): Just like how David Hasselhoff accentuates/interjects the 'hoff' sound in to words to remind us that his brand is hoff the chain, so to speak, I also VALUE the VALIANT.... uh, I forgot where I was going with that.

Look, the point is that I am Val-obsessed. I've coined phrases such as Val-matize, which literally means to woe friendship from a standoffish stranger using my 'personality', and The Val Vault, which is just my asshole way of saying I can keep a damn secret. I have also been known to come up behind my coworkers' chairs, shake them and yell "Val-Quake!". (It's funnier and less annoying than it sounds... I hope!)

Now, the obvious question is, is Val-idizing everything a good, fun attribute or a self-centered annoying attempt at branding? Am I trying to create some sort of replacement for the kind of self-love-look-at-me outlet that people on Fakebook get? And so what if I am, if EVERBODY and their mother uses Facebutt to create the personality they want to be known as. Every ultra-flattering PhotoBooth picture that Jimmy Crack-Pipe posts on his wall is... again I forgot where I was going with that. I know I wanted to use the name Jimmy Crack-Pipe, and I wanted to underline how stupid it is for people to post pictures of themselves where they look nothing like their truly (probably fatter) reality... I'll have to start taking Centrum Silver if this keeps happening...

MOVING ON to my concluding paragraph (P.S. that was my 'waffle statement', as my English teachers always taught me to end essays with a concluding paragraph that begins with a meaningless sentence. Waffles are meaningless, I guess? As are American English teachers?)

When it comes down to it, I guess there is no right answer here. Look at The Hoff. Those Hoff puns are Hoffle, and we all groan a collective groany groan when he does it. Yet, we love him for it at the same time. So yes, I may be self Val-idating here, but I am a complicated human being. Some parts of me are more annoying than others, but in the end the all equal ME. And I am a but a waffle on the breakfast buffet of life!

The End.

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