Dear Russia,

Dear Russia,

Hello from America! I have never been to Russia, but I have met people who have. You guys have a lot of vodka and snow, right? In America (lately) we have a lot of Mike's Hard Lemonade and floods. We used to have moonshine and dust storms.

Speaking of moonshine, congratulations on loosing the battle but winning the war space race. There are a lot of Americans who are sad that we no longer send up any astronauts on American launched spacecrafts. I, however, am too young to have any ill feelings towards Russia for outlasting our space program. I'm just glad someone is heading up there to  gather spacestuff and whatsagiggerstardust.

Please note, Russian readers, that those italicized words are made up. But PLEASE feel free to use them. See, Americans are still contributing to global culture after all!